EMHH Episode 26: Get Rid of Limiting Beliefs

Jul 28, 2022

Do you ever hear yourself saying things like,

“ I ’ m an anxious person. ”

“ I ’ m not confident. ”

“ I’m stiff and uncoordinated . ”

“ I’m a procrastinator . ”

“ It’s so hard for me to improve . ”

Those labels you slap on yourself are LIMITING BELIEFS.

They hold you back. They don’t help

If you ’ d like a simple, quic k w a y to get rid of those limiting b eliefs and transform them into beliefs that ’ ll bring you more success and joy , you ’ l l enjoy this week’s episode of Easier Movement, Happier Horses.

Want to get expert coaching on putting this into practice to help you horse - and yourself - have more flexible, balanced and confident movement?

Go to https://www.marydebono.com/joinhorse to join the waitlist for our online group coaching program, Move w ith Your Horse .

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Hello, and welcome to easier movement, happier horses. I'm Mary DeBono. And I'm so glad you're here because today we're going to talk about limiting beliefs. You know, those pesky negative thoughts you have that holds you back and prevent you from reaching your goal. I'm going to help you learn how to identify them and then transform them into empowering beliefs. Okay?

So here are some limiting beliefs that I hear over and over again from often horsewomen, actually from anyone, the general public, but these are very common in the horse world, too. I'm an anxious person. I don't have any confidence. I am stiff and uncoordinated. I'm a procrastinator. It's so hard for me to improve. So have you ever said anything like that to yourself?

I bet you have. And if not those exact words, you've probably said something similar that was equally unhelpful to reaching her goals. Okay. So again, these labels that we put on ourselves now, whether we want to call ourselves, we're anxious, we're not confident. We're stiff, we're unathletic. I've never been good at, you know, English or,

or math or, or dance or sports or something. Those are limiting beliefs. Okay. They're not helping you improve your life at all. Okay. And the kicker is they often happen unconsciously. It's like we're telling ourselves these things and we don't even know that that we're doing it. And we don't realize the power of these limiting beliefs have. So if you think about it,

you know, we get these beliefs and they're often installed at a young age. Maybe a teacher said something to you or so-called friends, or, you know, bullies at school or parents or the environment or media. However you pick these up again. They often get in installed at a young age and we just accept them. It's like, again, we don't meant much of the time.

We don't even know we're saying them to ourselves or we're not really giving it much thought. And they just start getting like really grooved into our brains. So it's like, you, your brain automatically comes up with this kind of stuff and it just repeats it over and over again. If you think about it, we have, they say about 60 to 70,000 thoughts a day.

And by far the great majority, maybe 95% of them are unconscious. They're just habitual thoughts that are running in the background and literally driving your life. In other words, they're controlling your thoughts. In other words, if you have these beliefs, Right? These limiting beliefs, they control, then the next thought you have, if you think I'm anxious,

well, then you, you start to think anxious thoughts, then you feel anxious. So the next thing is the feeling, right? So that feeling is going to drive your action, right? If I'm anxious, then my, you know, my breathing changes, you know, maybe I don't want to do certain things with my horse. Maybe I,

you know, whatever, anxious, whatever action goes along with that anxiety that you feel. And then that drives your results that determines your outcome. Okay? So this is really important to recognize when you're talking to yourself like this, or even out loud, some people say these things out loud all the time and recognizing these limiting beliefs and transforming them into empowering ones.

So let's do this right now. So think about a limiting belief that you have. So maybe it's one you already recognize that you have and you want to change it. Okay. You want to change it? We want to transform it. So I think the best thing to do is for me to start by giving you a few examples of very common limiting beliefs that I hear.

Okay? So, but you can substitute whichever ones you, you have, you know, for yourself, but let's start with this. I don't have confidence. Okay. Let's change that to I'm confident. Now it's not just a matter of just seeing it over and over again, like this, like an affirmation. I mean that may or may not be helpful to you,

but what's more helpful. And what I know works is if you start to find evidence that you're a confident person, okay. That evidence will fuel your brain, right. With the feeling of confidence. So let me give you again, another example you might say, well, Mary, I'm not really confident. So how can I find evidence of being confident?

We'll find even the smallest evidence. See, this is what's so great about this. To start changing your neural circuitry, to start giving yourself this brain software upgrade. If you will, it doesn't take big confident things. You don't have to do some amazing, amazing courageous feet. You can say. Hmm. Okay. What do I do feel confident about?

Hey, I tied my shoes this morning. I feel pretty confident about that. And I mean, no joke, no joke that small piece of evidence gets the ball rolling. Okay. So think about when you tied your shoes today, or some other thing you did that you did confidently, right? How did that feel? How were you breathing? How did that feel in your Body?

Just did it right. So think about that and put that little, that little evidence of confidence in your confidence account. It's like money in the bank. It's like you put it in, it starts to compound, right? Get interest, all that good stuff. Think of this the same way you're starting to grow these neural connections that involve confidence. So what happens is you're training your brain to get into that confidence state more and more easily.

So today you might think, okay, I tied my shoes in a confident way, right. But maybe tomorrow, maybe later today, you'll think of something else you did confidently. Right? Maybe you made a phone call that was a little uncomfortable, but you did it anyway. And you felt good about it. How did that feel in your body?

Maybe you did something with your horse or a friend's horse that wow, that, that felt really good. I was able to do that. Maybe something that seems small to somebody else, but it gave you a little confidence boost. So start to recognize those small wins and add them to your confidence account. This is what's going to grow the belief to strengthen the belief that you're a confident person.

And then maybe you're out on trail. Your horse gets a little nervous about something, or you're at a show you suddenly can get into that confidence state much more easily. So it may start with these small seemingly inconsequential things that are low stress, right? Like the tying of the shoes or the phone call or whatnot. Right. But then again, as you strengthen those new neural connections,

your brain will more and more easily kind of like be trained to go into that confidence state. So start to really recognize what the feeling of confidence, you know, how it manifests in your body, how you're breathing, you know, what you feel, how you're standing, sitting, you know, or whatever position you're in. Right. Notice those things,

even small things. Okay. We'll add to this confidence account really, really important. Okay. So the more you believe you're confident, the more your brain will look for evidence that your confidence. Okay. And again, we're growing that confidence muscle. You can think of it, that neural circuitry, okay. Every little piece of evidence will help it grow.

Okay. Let's go onto another limiting belief that I hear a lot. Oh, I'm stiff. I'm uncoordinated, unathletic, right? I was never good at sports. Never good at blah, blah, blah. Let's change that. Right. I'm flexible. I'm coordinated. I'm really athletic. I'm agile, right? I'm elegant. I'm powerful. Right?

I'm strong. That's a much more empowering belief. Isn't it? So same idea. You're going to find even small pieces of evidence to help grow that neurocircuitry so your body right. Starts to get into that state. It starts to create that state much more easily. So as an example, in my programs, you know, we do the Feldon Christ method.

So there's these what we call awareness through movement lessons. These, you could think of it as very, very gentle kind of awareness exercises that completely transformed people's ability to move well and easily. So in the classes, somebody might start out with that. They do feel very stiff. Maybe they've had tremendous injuries or just over time developed a lot of arthritis or,

you know, stiffness or what have you. Okay. I have people of all ages in these programs and I've been doing this for more than 30 years. I've worked with people from very, very young from, you know, various, from toddlers to people in their nineties and you know, all points in between. So, and many, many of your questions of course.

And you know, you can do the smallest movement, maybe even start in your imagination, but have it feel easy. And this is what I lead my classes through. I have them do it in such a way that the movement, even if it feels it would normally feel difficult, they can do it in a way, right change. The size of it changed the speed of it,

right? Change what they're thinking about. And it can feel easy. They can actually experience flexible, easy pleasurable movement. This is a game changer for people. It's a game changer. So again, once your brain starts to experience that, right, once your body starts to move, even in a very, very tiny way, right. But feels easy.

Moving feels pleasurable. Your brain will want to keep finding evidence of that. That will get stronger and stronger. And you'll be able to expand on that. Okay. Another thing to remember is that when you improve your coordination, which we do in the classes, right, it automatically gives you more power, more strength because it's the coordination of the parts that allow you to experience true strength.

Okay. And you, you can feel a sense of healthy Effort, but not strain, right? And you've just start to experience this idea of being flexible. So this is what we do in our move with your horse programs, right? So you learn how to let go of unnecessary, habitual tension. And because that's, what's creating the feeling of stiffness of a feeling that you're not athletic or not coordinated.

So again, we go in, we take a deep dive into this in my programs, but you can start by just thinking about where can I let go of unnecessary tension, maybe in my jaw, can I move my jaw in a way that feels super easy, right? That feels, you know, just simple and easy, right? Can I move my,

you know, knees in a way, again, even if it's really tiny movements or my ankle, but the key thing is to do it in a way that is well within the range of easy pleasurable movements. That's how you build your, your bank account. So to speak of feeling that your flexible, agile, elegant, graceful, and powerful. Okay.

So find even, even excuse me, the smallest piece of evidence and build on that. Okay. Super important. Now let's take another limiting belief. I'm anxious. Okay. We can transform that one too. How about I'm relaxed and calm right now. This is super important. As far as releasing unnecessary muscular tension, because we know that the feeling of anxiety is directly correlated with the feeling of tension in the body.

So it's not just a mental thing, right? The body and mind work together. They're never separate. So when you start to learn how to let go of unnecessary tension to change how you're breathing, right. To change that habitual tension, that so many of us carry, right. You'll start to feel relaxed and calm. So again, you do it in situations where it's easy for you to do.

Maybe you're lying on the floor. Maybe you're lying in your, in bed and think of, okay, how am I breathing? And again, in the move with your horse programs, we go into this a great deal and talk about how to use the breath in a way to create these relaxed, calm states. Again, you're growing that muscle then.

So you can more easily get into that state and your body and mind then believe you're a relaxed, calm person. Okay? Cause you keep finding evidence of this, but you can find this in your everyday life. You can find times where you're relaxed and calm and just make a mental note of that. Put that in your bank account. So to speak.

Okay. Okay. How about another one? I'm a procrastinator, right? You can transform that into, I take appropriate action. Right? I'm moving towards my goals and dreams. So then again, here's what, okay. This one is easy, right? Because you can do this right now, right this second, if you've done any of the other ones where I said,

you know, take a limiting belief and find evidence. Well, you're taking action. There you go. There's evidence right there that you're not a procrastinator that you're take appropriate action. So that's pretty simple. Right? Pretty simple. So anytime you take appropriate action, put that in your bank account that you take appropriate action. You're an action taker. That's what you are.

You take appropriate action. Okay. You don't just do busy work, right? That's nonproductive. You take appropriate action. You're doing it right now. Super simple. Okay. Let's do another one. Oh, it's so hard for me to improve. Change is difficult and it takes a long time. Okay. Scrap that one. That's a common limiting belief that really won't serve you.

Okay. Let's change that to change. Can happen in a pleasurable instant. Okay. Now, one thing I learned from my film and Christ training as a, so as a Feldon Christ teacher is how quickly improvement can occur. And it could feel really good while you're doing it. And that's actually important that it does feel really good because your brain will want to recreate stuff.

That feels good. Okay. That's how the brain works. So let me give you an example. I was teaching a horse and human workshop, right? I teach these horse in human workshops all over. I was teaching this one. It was in sunny, Southern California. I remember we were in a covered arena and I was leading the class through this very gentle Feldon Christ movement lesson.

It was done sitting in chairs. It was maybe 15 minutes or something. And at the end of the lesson, this woman spoke up and she was just flabbergasted. She said that she'd been dealing with really bad stiffness and discomfort in her neck for 15 years. And she had tried a whole host of different approaches and nothing helped. Okay. Nothing helped gave her.

Maybe it's a tiny bit of relief here and there, but nothing helped. And she was just blown away by how easily and painlessly she could move her neck. Now I want to point out a couple of things. Number one, she was a physician. So she was very educated in all things of the body. And she had never experienced something like this.

How, how quickly she could improve number two, the movements we did, didn't really unlike involve the neck directly, the movement lesson, the Feldon Christ lesson, focused on awakening and moving the rib cage, helping people learn how to move their rib cage in easy ways. Okay. Because that's often a place that we kind of like shut down and it creates havoc up and downstream.

So to speak like in the neck and shoulders, as well as in the back and hips and legs and all kinds of places. So really important to do that. Matter of fact, shout out to my move with your horse students because they know how to do this. Not only with themselves, but with their horses too, because it works the same way with horses.

When you improve your horses ability to move the rib cage easily and pleasurably, suddenly the neck becomes freer. The back is freer means the hind end can come under, right? The legs can move freely. The shoulders are freer, all that good stuff. Okay. So back to you, actually back to this woman that who had the neck improvement, she was blown away because you know,

here was a pretty short lesson. We did that. Didn't directly involve the neck. The only thing we did with the neck was in the very beginning I had the move. It like just to where they could do it easily to get like a baseline. And at the end, I said, we'll see how easily you can move the neck. Now that was it.

The whole rest of the lesson, focused on the rib cage. Okay. And the pelvis, things like that a bit too, but the focus was not on the neck. And here again is a great example of how change can be quick and pleasurable. So please remember that and find, find evidence of that in your own life. I mean, there's evidence right now.

If you're starting to, to note these limiting beliefs you have and how you can transform them, you're improving, right. You're improving in a quick, a short amount of time. Okay. And you know, it's funny because people will understand, they'll believe that trauma can happen instantly that a traumatic event can occur in a person could be changed right. In a,

in a negative way, right. In an unhelpful way. But for some reason, a lot of people don't understand that the opposite is also true that you can improve very quickly. So it's something that people in my programs experience it over and over again because of the work and both movement and mindset that we do could happen pretty quickly. Okay. So remember that you're doing it right now.

Change can happen in a pleasurable instant. Okay. So if you'd like more evidence of that, by the way, if you want more evidence and this is entirely free, if you go and do my masterclass, okay. My rider masterclass, you just have to go to Mary debono.com forward slash rider, and you'll get three free videos. They're short, they're super simple.

They're easy and pleasurable to do these movements. And you'll discover how you can change in a pleasurable instant. You can feel flexible. You could feel confident, you could feel all those good things, those empowering beliefs, you can start to gather evidence of them. Okay. So, you know, so anyway, I hope you do that. That'll be in the show notes if you're driving or,

or somehow engaged in and you can't write that down, don't worry. It's all in the show notes. Okay. And also in your podcasts app, there should be right there in the description. Okay. So it's married to debono.com forward slash rider. So remember this, it was a, a quote I read from the wonderful speaker, Brian, Tracy.

And he said, never say anything about yourself that you don't want to be true. And I love that. So whether you're speaking out loud or to yourself, think about, think about what you're saying, what kind of beliefs are you creating in yourself? What kind of beliefs are you strengthening? And then find evidence of the, the empowering ones, the ones you really want,

the ones that will help you have much more success and joy with your horses. So you, my friend are amazing. I appreciate so much that you're listening to this podcast and I hope you share it with all your friends. And if this helped you, I'd love to hear about it. Love to hear what limiting beliefs you're changing and transforming into empowering ones.

So thank you again. I can't wait to share more with you in a little while. Bye. For now.