Are You Trying Too Hard to Help Your Dog? #151

What if your strong desire to help your dog is making it harder to help them?

It sounds counterintuitive, but when we become attached to a specific outcome, we often bring hidden effort, worry, and mental rigidity into the interaction.

And your dog feels all of it.

In this episode, I explore why caring deeply is not the problem, but gripping tightly to a predetermined result often is.

In this episode, I discuss:

• Why attachment to specific outcomes narrows your thinking
• What informed intuition really means
• What the Norris State is and how it can help your dog💫
• How to create a win-win experience where both you and your dog feel better in body and mind

Resources:

Grab your FREE video training to help your dog. 🐕 https://www.marydebono.com/lovedog 💥

Get Mary’s bestselling, award-winning book, “Grow Young with Your Dog,” for a super low price at: https://tinyurl.com/growyoungwithyourdog. Demonstration videos are included at no extra cost. ⬅️⬅️⬅️

💥Learn how the Feldenkrais MethodⓇ can help improve your seat, position, and balance on your horse! Free rider videos masterclass: https://www.marydebono.com/rider 💥

All information is for general educational purposes ONLY and doesn't constitute medical or veterinary advice or professional training advice. Please consult a qualified healthcare provider if you, your horse, or your dog are unwell or injured.  Always use extreme caution when interacting with horses and dogs.

About the Host:

Mary Debono is a pioneer in animal and human wellness, blending her expertise as an international clinician, best-selling author, and certified Feldenkrais Method® practitioner. With over three decades of experience, Mary developed Debono Moves, a groundbreaking approach that enhances the performance, well-being, and partnership of animals and their humans.

Mary's innovative approach draws from the Feldenkrais Method®, tailored specifically for horse and dog enthusiasts.  Her methods have helped animals and humans:

• Improve athletic ability and performance
• Enhance confidence and reduce anxiety
• Reduce physical limitations and discomfort
• Deepen the human-animal bond

Mary's flagship online programs, "Move with Your Horse" and "Easier Movement, Happier Dogs," provide animal enthusiasts with an innovative approach that combines the concepts of Feldenkrais® with her signature hands-on work for horses and dogs (Debono Moves). Through this transformative approach, both people and their animal companions discover greater harmony, ease, and connection.

TRANSCRIPT:

Hi. If you're listening to this podcast, I know you care about your dog, but here's my question. Can you be caring too much? Can caring too much about helping your dog actually interfere with your ability to help your dog? Sounds strange, doesn't it? If you're used to a very traditional kind of therapeutic model, you might think, well, of course I have like a predetermined outcome that I want and, and I'm going to go for that.

I'm going to learn all I can and do all I can to help my dog do X, Y and Z. Maybe you have an older dog who's no longer able to jump up on the couch or on the bed or into the car and you're like, that's what we have to help the dog with. Right? And you put all your resources, all your energy into that outcome. Well, that's one way to do it.

But what I've seen over the years, and I'll be honest, I ha. I used to do this myself when I was working with other people's dogs, which I still do, but I don't, I don't stay attached to the outcome anymore. That's the difference. I leave it more open ended. And the reason for that, Couple of reasons, actually. One of them is I don't know what other new possibilities may emerge for that dog.

I don't have all the answers. The work that I do is not something done to the dog, but with the dog. I'm partnering with the dog, with their nervous system and communicating new ways they can feel and move in their body. When I keep it more open ended like that, it's amazing what can transform, like how the dog can transform. Yes, we still may get the outcome that you know, that I want, but I don't try to stick to that.

In other words, I'm not thinking that this session will only be successful if that happens, if what I intend to happen happens. That's the only way this is useful. I no longer think that way. I stay much more open to what's going to happen. And this has helped me so, so much. And it's going to help you too. Because when you stay more open, and I'm going to give you some examples, it allows your, what I call informed intuition to come to the fore, to be able to be utilized.

In other words, you know, informed intuition is a term that I first heard in my Feldenkrais training, working with people. And the idea came from Dr. Moshe Feldenkrais, who created the Feldenkrais method. And he was a big proponent of this idea that you use your intuition, but it comes from knowledge. It comes from the pattern recognition that you've developed by observing, by being open, by paying attention to things.

And this is what I teach in my, my programs. I teach you how to develop those skills. But it's not like intuition that falls from the sky. It's intuition that comes about because you've paid attention, because you've been curious, because you've allowed new possibilities to emerge. It's like you finally let your hands do what they need to do before your thinking mind has even caught up. It's like you just start to know what to do.

Okay, so that's number one. But this, this came about recently. This whole idea of being attached to the outcome came about recently. I had a one on one zoom conversation with one of my students. She's in my canine program. She's wonderful. She does beautiful work with her dogs. She has two dogs. One is an older dog and he has some mobility challenges that often accompany aging. And so she really, really wants to help him move more freely and comfortably.

And then she has a much younger dog. I think he's still a puppy. And so she, she, her intent with him is more open ended. It's more like I want to give him a good foundation to help ensure that he stays as, you know, happy and active for as long as possible and give him a good start in life. But there's less, much less pressure when she's working with the younger dog.

And so what she said to me, which was so brilliant, she had this light bulb moment that she realizes that her, she feels so different in her body when she's working with the younger dog, the dog where she doesn't have a lot of pressure, right. She's just like, oh yeah, we'll do this to give him better body awareness, give him a good start in life. But when she's working with the older dog, she feels more restricted in her body.

And what does that go along with? That restricts your mind, your thinking as well. And these are all things that your dog feels. I always say how you move, how you breathe, and how you direct your attention are all felt by your dog. And they all shape your interactions with your dog. So your underlying sense of either ease or effort, right, has a real impact on how you and your dog experience each other.

And since our idea is to actually help transmit a sense of ease and pleasure and safety in movement, that dramatically interferes with your ability to do that when we're worried, when we're we're very tied to a specific outcome. So yes, you may have an idea that you're holding loosely about how to help your dog. But again, I want to encourage you to go into what I call the Norris state.

N O R R I s the name of this woman's younger dog, right. When she's with Norris, the younger dog, she's open, she's fluid, she's supple in her movements and in her thinking. Right. She's got that real flexibility of body and mind and that really helps you do beautiful intuitive work that's meaningful to you and your dog, that you both feel better from the experience. This is about win, win, right?

It's you and your dog feeling better. So in her case, you know, we, we, we were discussing this, as I said, and I was again, I was so excited because it was such a brilliant insight that she had. And you know, then the I, the challenge is can you embody that state when you're working with the older dog? And she's able to do so. And, and I want to say another reason she's able to do it, that she can switch like that is because she's a student of the Feldenkrais.

Awareness through movement lessons, right. She, she does them with me, she does them with another teacher in, I believe, in the uk. She, you know, embodies that sense of ease. She has the awareness in her body so she could feel the difference between when she's working with the older dog and when she's in the narus state, the young, healthy, you know, flexible in body and mind state. And that's what I'd like to invite for you as well.

So if you're really concerned about your dog, maybe your dog has reactive behaviors. They have maybe anxiety, maybe they're dealing with stiffness, you know, that comes with aging. Maybe they've had an injury like a knee ligament, you know, tear that they're, you know, you're rehabbing them from whatever it happens to be. Maybe they have hip dysplasia, whatever. I'm going to encourage you to, you know, when you're working with them, and I have free resources as well as programs you, you can certainly check out.

And my book Grow Young with youh Dog has a huge amount of resources in it and it's very, very accessibly priced. But when you're working with your dog, can you keep an open body and mind? Can you be flexible in body and mind and really think more about the interaction itself rather than a specific outcome that you have in mind. So enter into that NARA state, that state that allows your informed intuition, your inner knowing to shine through, to use the knowledge that you gain from the resources I provide, the programs maybe you're involved in, and it will feel better to both of you.

You'll be more effective and you'll both end up feeling better. You'll both be improved from the experience. Again, I want to say I design this work so that you feel better in your body and mind along with your animal. So it's a true win win because you and your dog deserve to feel great together. So I hope you enjoy being in the NARA State. It's a wonderful place to be in.

If you have any questions about that, feel free to email me [email protected] I love hearing from you and I appreciate you so much for listening to the podcast and I look forward to talking to you again soon. Bye for now.