What You're Missing When Your Horse Relaxes #150

If you've spent any time in the horse world, you've probably been taught to watch for releases — the yawning, blinking, eye-rolling, and head-dropping that signal your horse is relaxing. But what if chasing those moments is actually getting in your way?

In this episode, Mary digs into why relaxation alone — even genuine relaxation — is only half of what your horse's nervous system needs. Drawing on a relatable human example (that stubborn tension at the base of your neck?), she explains the difference between treating a symptom and addressing the underlying pattern. That's where the Debono Moves approach comes in: helping the parts of the body that are overworking finally let go, and waking up the parts that haven't been doing their fair share.

That balance of relaxation AND activation — what Mary calls integration — is what creates change that actually lasts beyond the session. Not a horse who softens for an hour and is braced again by Thursday.

But here's where it gets even more interesting. Your horse doesn't exist in isolation. You are always part of the picture, whether you're riding, doing groundwork, or working hands-on. Mary introduces the concept of H² — the horse-human system — and explains why your own integration, your own ease of movement and awareness, directly shapes what your horse can access. When you do your own FeldenkraisⓇ practice, you don't just move better. You bring something different to your horse. Your hands change. Your presence changes. And your horse feels every bit of it.

This is where real depth of connection lives.

✅ Key Takeaways

• Many "releases" are actually stress responses — context matters enormously when reading your horse's signals.
• Relaxation is necessary, but not sufficient. Without integration (all of the parts working together harmoniously), a horse will often return to the same patterns of bracing or tension.
• Tension is almost always a compensation pattern. Something in the body isn't doing enough, so something else has to do too much — and that imbalance is what creates soreness, stiffness, restriction, and wear over time. That’s why relaxation AND activation are important.
• Integration means the whole system is working together — not just that a tight area has softened, but that the nervous system has found a new, more coordinated way of moving that it wants to keep.
• You are always part of the equation. The horse-human relationship is a system (H²), and what you bring to your horse — your tension, your ease, your awareness — directly influences what your horse can access.
• Your FeldenkraisⓇ  practice isn't just for you. When you embody more balance and ease, you transmit that to your horse in ways that go beyond any specific skill or approach.
• Absence of dramatic releases during a session doesn't mean nothing is happening — and their presence doesn't guarantee lasting change if integration is missing.

Resources:

💥Learn how the Feldenkrais MethodⓇ can help improve your seat, position, and balance on your horse! Free rider videos masterclass: https://www.marydebono.com/rider 💥

Grab your FREE video training to help your dog. 🐕 https://www.marydebono.com/lovedog 💥

Get Mary’s bestselling, award-winning book, “Grow Young with Your Dog,” for a super low price at: https://tinyurl.com/growyoungwithyourdog. Demonstration videos are included at no extra cost. ⬅️⬅️⬅️

All information is for general educational purposes ONLY and doesn't constitute medical or veterinary advice or professional training advice. Please consult a qualified healthcare provider if you, your horse, or your dog are unwell or injured.  Always use extreme caution when interacting with horses and dogs.

About the Host:

Mary Debono is a pioneer in animal and human wellness, blending her expertise as an international clinician, best-selling author, and certified Feldenkrais Method® practitioner. With over three decades of experience, Mary developed Debono Moves, a groundbreaking approach that enhances the performance, well-being, and partnership of animals and their humans.

Mary's innovative approach draws from the Feldenkrais Method®, tailored specifically for horse and dog enthusiasts.  Her methods have helped animals and humans:

• Improve athletic ability and performance
• Enhance confidence and reduce anxiety
• Reduce physical limitations and discomfort
• Deepen the human-animal bond

Mary's flagship online programs, "Move with Your Horse" and "Easier Movement, Happier Dogs," provide animal enthusiasts with an innovative approach that combines the concepts of Feldenkrais® with her signature hands-on work for horses and dogs (Debono Moves). Through this transformative approach, both people and their animal companions discover greater harmony, ease, and connection.

TRANSCRIPT:

Hi. If you spend any time in the equine world, you've probably heard the term release. Now, I'm not talking about releasing an aid. I mean those things that people watch for for their horse in their horses, like the yawning, the blinking, the kind of eye rolling or head dropping, that often signals that a horse is getting more relaxed. And a lot of people are chasing these releases. I want to talk about that approach, chasing releases, how at best, it only gets you halfway there and it can actually work against you.

And first, let's just say this right off the bat. A lot of things that people are calling releases, like a lot of those behaviors are actually stress responses. They're not a horse being relaxed. So you have to look at it within context. Okay? So that's number one. So before you decide your horse is kind of melting into bliss, make sure you're reading the whole picture. So for the rest of this episode, I'm going to assume you can tell the difference and your horse truly is at ease when you see those behaviors that we call a release.

Okay? So now, even when your horse is relaxed, why is relaxation alone not enough? Let's use a human example. Okay? So say a person. Maybe you have tension at the base of your neck into your shoulder. It's very, very common. I've seen this so much over the years. Okay? So maybe the person, maybe you. You go to a skilled body worker, human body worker, and she does a great job of helping that area soften to relax those muscles, right?

So you notice, oh, there's much less tension. Maybe you can move your head and neck or your shoulder more easily, and you're like, this is great. It's wonderful. But here's the question for you. Why did your nervous system create that tension, that restriction, in the first place? If we don't address that, we're just kind of band aiding, you know, a symptom, right? You're going to. Your nervous system is going to go right back to what it was doing.

We haven't removed the cause, right? It was bracing for a reason, you know, and the reason could be this. Maybe one side of your rib cage is a little bit compressed. That's so incredibly common. And so what that does is it shifts your weight unevenly, and even a small imbalance can send tension either cascading up your neck or down into your hips and pelvis. Okay? So this is a very common problem.

And so if you only address the tension, right? If you only address where you're really feeling it, you know, at the Base, even of your neck or your shoulder. Right. You've just treating the symptom and not addressing the pattern. Okay? So that what. That's what makes De Bono moves, which is the work that I do with animals. That's what makes it so different. Right? We don't focus on relaxation alone.

Right? We want to bring in both ends of the equation. We help the parts that are overworking to let go, and we bring back online the parts that weren't doing their fair share. So it's sort of like relaxation and activation are important, and usually those two things are directly related. In other words, there's a tense area or maybe several tense parts of the body because other parts weren't doing their fair share.

Right? So something isn't doing enough. So something has to do too much. And that's what creates damage. That's what creates soreness and stiffness restriction and increases the risk of injury over time and just creates so much more wear and tear damage over time. So the idea we want is a healthy, balanced distribution of effort for our horses and for ourselves, for that matter. Right? We. So if one part is overworking, okay, we can help the nervous system figure out how to let that go and bring back the other parts, kind of activate them so it makes the bracing or the tension unnecessary.

Okay? So when the nervous system feels how the parts can work together, in other words, when movement is more coordinated, more balanced, more fluid, the nervous system wants to hold onto that, not because it was kind of forced to, or, you know, the structure was manually changed, but because it feels better. That's integration. Okay? That is an important piece, and that's what creates lasting change. Rather than a horse who kind of softens during the session but is braced again by next week.

Okay? So this is an important concept. So if you're doing De Bono moves with a horse and you're not seeing the dramatic yawning or eye rolling, that's totally okay. It's totally okay. The absence of those things does not mean your horse isn't improving. And actually, the presence of them doesn't mean they are not, you know, if the integration piece is missing. So here's where I want to take this one step further.

We've been talking now about relaxation activation, integration. Right? We're talking about that all within the horse. But your horse doesn't exist in isolation. There's almost always a human in the picture, whether you're riding, doing groundwork, or doing hands on, De Bono moves with your horse. Right? You're a system, a horse, human system, what I call H squared. Okay? You each influence each other constantly. And that's why I emphasize in my programs doing Feldenkrais, awareness through movement lessons, right?

They're in a integral piece of our programs. Because when you are more integrated, when you're moving through the world with more balance and more ease, it changes what you bring to your horse. Your hands are different, your presence is different. Your horse feels that you embody that sense of awareness, of integration, of wholeness. And you can transmit that sense of ease and healthy movement to your horse. And that to me, is where the real depth of connection lives.

Not only a horse who can move more freely, but two beings, right? The horse and the human, who've both elevated their awareness, both found more ease, and who could meet each other there. So you can move through life together with greater ease and joy. And that's what I'd love for all of you. Thank you so much for listening. I love sharing this work for you with you. And if you have any questions or comments, I'd love to hear from you.

You can always reach me at [email protected] I'll talk to you very soon. Bye for now.