From Touching to Listening: A Simple Exercise That Changes Your Connection #146

Most of us think of touch as something we do to our horses and dogs. But what if that's only half the story?

In this episode, Mary shares a practice that turns everyday contact into something more: a genuine, felt exchange between you and your animal. No special equipment, no complicated technique, just a shift in where you place your attention.

The result? Touch that feels less like a one-way action and more like a dialogue. A nervous system that becomes more responsive and adaptable. And a connection with your horse or dog that goes a little deeper than before.

If you've ever wanted your interactions with your animal to feel more mutual, more present, more alive, I hope you give this a listen.

Resources:

Grab your FREE video training to help your dog. 🐕 https://www.marydebono.com/lovedog 💥

💥Learn how the Feldenkrais MethodⓇ can help improve your seat, position, and balance on your horse! Free rider videos masterclass: https://www.marydebono.com/rider 💥

Get Mary’s bestselling, award-winning book, “Grow Young with Your Dog,” for a super low price at: https://tinyurl.com/growyoungwithyourdog. Demonstration videos are included at no extra cost. ⬅️⬅️⬅️

All information is for general educational purposes ONLY and doesn't constitute medical or veterinary advice or professional training advice. Please consult a qualified healthcare provider if you, your horse, or your dog are unwell or injured.  Always use extreme caution when interacting with horses and dogs.

About the Host:

Mary Debono is a pioneer in animal and human wellness, blending her expertise as an international clinician, best-selling author, and certified Feldenkrais Method® practitioner. With over three decades of experience, Mary developed Debono Moves, a groundbreaking approach that enhances the performance, well-being, and partnership of animals and their humans.

Mary's innovative approach draws from the Feldenkrais Method®, tailored specifically for horse and dog enthusiasts.  Her methods have helped animals and humans:

• Improve athletic ability and performance
• Enhance confidence and reduce anxiety
• Reduce physical limitations and discomfort
• Deepen the human-animal bond

Mary's flagship online programs, "Move with Your Horse" and "Easier Movement, Happier Dogs," provide animal enthusiasts with an innovative approach that combines the concepts of Feldenkrais® with her signature hands-on work for horses and dogs (Debono Moves). Through this transformative approach, both people and their animal companions discover greater harmony, ease, and connection.

TRANSCRIPT:

When we're with our animal, our horse or our dog, very often our attention is directed outward to them, right? We're noticing things about them. So, so for example, just say you're stroking your horse or your dog, right? You're, you're petting them, so to speak, right? You're just very gently stroking them. And you might do it absentmindedly or you might be doing it in a way that you're really noticing, like, oh, how the coat feels.

You're noticing how your horse or your dog is responding to your touch, you know, so you're, you're thinking about, you know, I'm touching them and you're picking up all the responses to that, all the things you're noticing. And many of the things you're picking up are just sub, you know, they're subconscious, but you're picking them up and that's great. But now what if you flipped your, that lens and you thought about, ah, as you know, you're touching your animal, but that means that your animal is also touching you.

They're touching your hand. Think about it this way. If your horse or your dog gently and affectionately turned around and touched you with their muzzle, you would recognize that they're touching you. By the same token, even though it's different because it's more passive when you're touching them, when your hand is on them, you can think about. They're picking up a ton of information about the quality of your contact, about how your hand feels, about your physical and emotional states.

So there's an exercise I love to do with my students. It's a little bit longer than what we're, it's definitely longer than what we're going to. But let me give you the bones of it so you can play with it. And as a matter of fact, let's do this before we even do it with your horse or your dog. You, you can do this just by yourself. However, do, please do not do this if you're driving your car or doing something else that requires a lot of attention.

So if you're sitting somewhere or standing somewhere where you could just be quiet and focused on yourself, you can just put one hand on your lower abdomen and just sense your breath, sense the rise and fall of your abdomen. You know, just what sensations are you're picking up through your hand. Notice the feel of your clothes, the, the temperature, right? The movement, obviously, you know, think about that, right?

You're touching your abdomen with your hand. But now let's flip that and think that your abdomen is touching the palm of your hand. So notice what happens when you, when you flip that, when you flip the lens, so to speak, right? Instead of thinking you're touching your abdomen, now you flip that and it's like the abdomen is the more active participant, right? So, so, so do that. Right?

Let's do one more time. My hand is touching my abdomen. Then you make that subtle shift and you think, okay, my abdomen is touching my hand. And it's different, isn't it? So this doesn't just, you know, change your focus. It can change your state. It can. When we do this with our animal, when we flip that lens, right, we also get more like, our nervous system gets more responsive, if you will.

Like, it becomes more of a dialogue with our animal and less of a monologue, like we're doing something to them. It's more. This is a conversation, this is a co creative, you know, relationship here. We're, we're doing something together. So. And it's a very good exercise. So now, like when you have access to your horse or your dog, even if you just simply put your hands on their rib cage and listen to their breath, if they're comfortable with that, or you can put your hand or hands wherever they're comfortable.

Just in a listening state, just listening, you know, if it could, maybe it's on the shoulder blade and you're just feeling the muscles of the shoulder blade, feeling how the coat feels, whatever you're noticing. Then you flip that and think, okay, so first you're touching your animal and then my animal is touching me, right? They're touching my hand or hands and maybe even do it with one hand at first, until you really get the, the ability to flip that switch.

What changes for you when you think of that, of your. And, and this is especially good on the rib cage. I have a whole process called connected breathing. And it can get very refined, if you will, where we actually help encourage a bit deeper breath through the very, very, very gradual removal of our hands. Because the animal then kind of comes to expands the rib gauge to meet your hand.

That has to be done very gradually. However, just if you think about that, right, your hands are listening to the breath, they're listening to the movements of the ribs. You're touching your animal's ribcage. Then you think about the. Your horse or your dog is touching your hand or hands. Changes things, doesn't it? And again, I want to emphasize this changes what you're doing. It becomes more of a kinesthetic conversation rather than something you're doing to them and it can really help build not only a deeper connection with your animal.

You know, there's like a respect that you're, that you're both involved in this. And it also, from what I've seen from doing this myself for many years and teaching it to many students over the years is, is that it seems to build like a flexibility or resilience within the nervous system. It's like we become a little bit more adaptable. That's just a theory, but that seems to be a helpful practice.

So have fun with it. Let me know how it works out for you. Do you notice a difference when you think about, okay, I'm touching my animal and now my animal is touching me? What changes for you? Okay, well, thank you so much for listening. I so appreciate you. I love sharing this work and I look forward to talking to you again real soon. Bye for now.