Why "Fixing" Your Animal Actually Breaks Trust (And What to Do Instead) #130

Movement expert Mary Debono reveals why traditional "fixing" approaches often backfire and create resistance in both animals and humans. Drawing from the Feldenkrais Method® and her innovative Debono Moves approach, Mary explains how supporting the direction of ease—rather than opposing it—builds trust and creates lasting positive change.

You'll discover the neuroscience behind why gentle, supportive approaches work better than forcing change, and learn practical ways for working with your horse's, dog's, or your own natural movement patterns. Mary shares how to recognize and support what's already working, creating a learning environment where transformation happens naturally.

This episode offers a revolutionary shift from correction to support and cooperation, showing how trust becomes the foundation for improved movement, deeper connections, and lasting wellness for both you and your animals. Whether you're working with a senior dog, an injured horse, or your own movement challenges, this gentle approach creates the safety needed for real change.

Key Takeaways

• Trust isn't built by trying harder - Real trust develops when we support what's already working rather than forcing change
• Support the direction of ease - Work with natural movement patterns instead of opposing them to create lasting transformation
• The nervous system resists unfamiliar threats - Gentle, familiar movements feel safe and allow the system to let go naturally
• Interrupting habits creates new options - Supporting existing patterns helps the nervous system reevaluate and discover better alternatives
• Cooperation over confrontation - Working with the body's intelligence produces better results than fighting against it
• Slow down to feel more - Gentle, attentive movement allows you to notice and change unconscious tension patterns
• Build trust with yourself first - Learning to listen to your own body creates the foundation for helping your animals
• Connection deepens through presence - This approach enhances kinesthetic communication between you and your animals

Resources:

💥Learn how the Feldenkrais Method can help improve your seat, position, and balance on your horse! Free rider videos masterclass: https://www.marydebono.com/rider 💥

Grab your FREE video training to help your dog. 🐕 https://www.marydebono.com/lovedog 💥

Want to help your dog move more easily and feel their best—at any age? Join the waitlist for my upcoming program, Easier Movement, Happier Dogs, and be the first to know when doors open. Spaces are limited. 

Get Mary’s bestselling, award-winning book, “Grow Young with Your Dog,” for a super low price at: https://tinyurl.com/growyoungwithyourdog. Demonstration videos are included at no extra cost. ⬅️⬅️⬅️

All information is for general educational purposes ONLY and doesn't constitute medical or veterinary advice or professional training advice. Please consult a qualified healthcare provider if you, your horse, or your dog are unwell or injured.  Always use extreme caution when interacting with horses and dogs.

About the Host:

Mary Debono is a pioneer in animal and human wellness, blending her expertise as an international clinician, best-selling author, and certified Feldenkrais Method® practitioner. With over three decades of experience, Mary developed Debono Moves, a groundbreaking approach that enhances the performance, well-being, and partnership of animals and their humans.

Mary's innovative approach draws from the Feldenkrais Method®, tailored specifically for horse and dog enthusiasts.  Her methods have helped animals and humans:

• Improve athletic ability and performance
• Enhance confidence and reduce anxiety
• Reduce physical limitations and discomfort
• Deepen the human-animal bond

Mary's flagship online programs, "Move with Your Horse" and "Easier Movement, Happier Dogs," provide animal enthusiasts with an innovative approach that combines the concepts of Feldenkrais® with her signature hands-on work for horses and dogs. Through this transformative method, both people and their animal companions discover greater harmony, ease, and connection.

TRANSCRIPT:

Hi. Whether you have a senior or injured dog who you're trying to help improve their mobility and their balance, or maybe you have a horse, that same idea, you want that horse to be, to move forward willingly, with softness and ease and just like real harmony. Or maybe with yourself, you want to improve how you move and how you feel your balance in the saddle or off the horse or all those wonderful things.

And so you do your best, you try, you try to learn all different, maybe like techniques to do for yourself or your animal. And then you find that they're not working or maybe that the animal is resisting or you're just not seeing the results either in yourself or in your dog or your horse. And this is where then frustration starts to build. Maybe you find that tension is creeping in and that, yes, that can be a very frustrating place to be.

But I have a way to help you that if you, it's like a little change of how you approach a situation like that. Because here's the thing, when you try to fix an animal or yourself, that doesn't promote lasting, positive change. You might get some, some temporary change in the, in the muscle or something like that, or. But what we're looking for is more of a transformation, right?

How to go from feeling stiff, unbalanced, to having easier, more comfortable or more balanced movement. And that takes a different approach, completely different approach, you know, because. And here's the thing, when you try, as I said, when you try to fix the situation, and I'm using like air quotes, if you try to fix it, you are actually breaking trust. Now I'm talking about trust with your dog, trust with your horse, and even trust with yourself.

So let me explain that. You know, real trust doesn't come from trying harder. It doesn't come from pushing, doesn't come from trying to make something be a certain way. Trust develops when we support what's already working, when we go with the direction of ease and then build from there. And I'll tell you how we do that. So this is true. I want to make a real strong point for this.

This is true. Whether we're talking about working with your animal, your horse, your dog, your cat, et cetera, or, or yourself. Okay, so, you know, let's talk about your animal first. So when I teach Debono Moves, which is a gentle hands on approach that we use with animals, I always emphasize this. We're not imposing change, we're inviting it. There's a distinction. And that invitation begins by noticing what your animal is already doing, how they're organized in the moment, how they're standing, how they're moving, you know, just how they're holding themselves.

And rather than correcting or opposing what they're doing, we gently support it. Yes, we use our hands in very specific ways to actually support what they already do easily. We follow the direction of ease. This is a foundational concept of the work of debono. Moves work, okay? So that means, like, you know, supporting a muscle in the direction where it already seems like it wants to go. So if a muscle is short and tight, we actually support it, and that's what allows it to relax and get longer.

Because we're communicating with the animal's nervous system, or we do this with both dogs and horses, is we do these. These different, very gentle movements that we call rib cage slides. So we slow down, we do them very gently so we can feel what is the direction of ease. And then we support the animal, the ribcage slide in that direction of ease. And then when we gently let go right, then often what happens is that other directions then become available.

Because we took over the work for the animal, we helped interrupt that habit of what they do, just unconsciously, their movement habit. We have them, and animals have them as well, these unconscious, often maladaptive movement habits. So this is the best way to do it. And when you think about that, think about when you're supporting something that the animal already does that feels safe, that feels familiar, that builds trust.

You're not trying to get the animal to do something that's not comfortable for them or that they're not ready to do, okay? Because that's the first way to break the trust. So, you know, and. And if you don't know, you know, like the neuroscience behind this, you might think, well, isn't that reinforcing a quote, unquote, bad habit? And. No, it's not. It's. You're giving the nervous system time to reevaluate that habit.

Okay? This is an important distinction. And you're. You're speaking to the nervous system in a language it understands. Safety, permission, collaboration. Remember, the nervous system's job is to keep the individual safe. That's true for you, your dog, your horse, et cetera. So that's what you're doing. You're supporting it, and you're creating that environment of safety. And that's a learning environment. That's what then allows other options to come to the surface for the animal to discover other ways to move and to feel.

Okay? So this also helps with behavioral changes, because when the animal feels different in their body, they often respond differently. Again, we're interrupting those habitual responses by doing this. Okay. And they begin to trust. There's greater trust then with you. And that's when real positive change becomes possible. So let's talk about the neuroscience a little bit without getting too nerdy about it. But why does it work so well to support the direction of ease?

Because the nervous system is wired to resist what feels unfamiliar or threatening. Now unfamiliar is not necessarily bad, I want to be clear about that. Because we often use novelty non habitual sensations to get the attention of the nervous system. But it's always done in a way that feels safe to the animal. And if I try to move an animal in a way that they're not ready for, then that won't feel safe, that will feel threatening.

Okay? So it will feel unfamiliar and unsafe. And that's not going to lead to positive change. But when you go with the pattern, with that habit they already have, when you support what the body is already doing, then something surprising happens. The system starts to let go on its own. It says, I don't have to do this anymore, I don't have to hold on to this anymore. I'm being supported, I'm safe.

And remember the other way where you try to get the animal to move in a certain way, even if it's done with the best of intentions. I'm going to add the nervous system will say, this doesn't feel safe. We've been doing it a particular way for a reason. I always emphasize that in my work. We want to work with the intelligence of the body. And your dog, your horse, yourself, you had a reason for creating those movement habits or patterns in the first place.

So again, just trying to, you know, contradict them, trying to get you or the animal to move differently can feel very unsafe to the nervous system. Okay. So you know, again, when you support the animal in these very specific ways, those habits again can be reevaluated and then the animal can let go of them and discover more comfortable, more efficient, healthier options. Options, okay. So you know, we have to remember we don't improve through confrontation, but through cooperation.

Okay. Working with your animals intelligence, you know, the bodily intelligence, the wisdom of the body is so important. Now let's talk about you. I've been mostly talking about your dog, your horse, etc, but you know, this is true for you. So for example, when you go to do a Feldenkrais awareness through movement lesson, and you know, I teach those as well, it's amazing stuff, you know, there's no pressure to perform.

There's no pressure to have a specific outcome from the lesson. There's no expectation to stretch, to force, or to fix anything, okay? This isn't like traditional exercise where you're stretching and straining and you're just reinforcing your movement habits. Whether they're good or bad, you're just reinforcing them, okay? Instead, you're invited to explore how you move, and that's with curiosity instead of judgment. So this is just like with the.

With your horse or your dog. You're giving yourself a learning environment where. Where you can reevaluate. And this is done, you know, by your nervous system. You don't have to do it. You're not doing it intellectually, okay? But you're reevaluating. You know how you're moving. You know, you may start to notice how you're holding your breath when you do certain movements, right? And that might show up in other parts of your life as well.

So this is. This is really important because then that also sets the stage for all kinds of tension patterns to. To kind of like, right, you might notice that your neck tenses when you lift your arm. If you move quickly and without, like, really being attentive to yourself, you won't notice those things. Your nervous system won't have time to notice those things, right? And you won't be able to improve in any meaningful way.

But when you do slow down, when you do the Feldenkrais awareness through movement lessons, the way they were designed, the way they were intended to do them, slowly and gently and find out what you do easily and build on that. Now you're building trust with yourself. You're trusting your nervous system to learn, to adapt, to improve, okay? And, you know, instead of forcing yourself to do something, you're learning a better way, a way that can create that lasting, positive change.

So you'll find, you experiment, you soften, you learn how to let go of this unconscious tension you might be holding, maybe in your jaw, around your eyes, in your hands, your toes, your belly. I mean, it could be anywhere and everywhere. So you do a little less, and you feel a whole lot more, and you improve a whole lot more, right? And so then, without even trying, you notice that your movement becomes easier, more coordinated, more efficient, more comfortable.

Why? Because you're creating the conditions for change. You're not demanding it. You're building trust with yourself. How amazing is that? You know, the fact is, we don't trust ourselves. We don't listen to our bodies. You Know, we let our crazy, what they call monkey mind in some cultures, you know, let that run the show, all those habitual thought patterns. But when we slow down and truly listen to ourselves, not only does our movement improve and just feel so much better and easier, more elegant and less wear and tear, but you also learn to trust yourself more.

You're you, it's like you're creating a deeper connection with yourself. Just like the Debono Moves work, you know, helps you create that deeper, deeper connection with your animal, you can create a deeper connection with yourself as well. And it's like your true nature can shine that way and you know, so yeah, that's a great way to begin to really build trust in yourself, in your ability to sense, to grow, to learn without pushing, without straining.

And you know, that trust becomes the foundation for how you show up for your animals as well. It's like this wonderful feedback loop of trust. It's, you know, I, I love that so much because the work, you know, the Feldenkrais method for humans, Debono Moves for animals, you know, I, when I created Debono Moves and it's always, it's an ever evolving body of work. I hope it always will keep evolving.

But my, my intention was always that you and your animal would improve at the same time and at the same time you would really build that heart centered connection or deepen it maybe. You already have a really strong heart centered connection with your animal. This can allow it to get even deeper and for your communication to be much more refined. Your ability to sense your animal will be that much stronger, that much clearer and for your animal to sense you as well.

It's like your, your, your kinesthetic communication and even your non verbal, non kinesthetic communication, however you want to think about it gets that much brighter. You know, you find it's almost like your animals are reading your mind and you're reading their mind, right? So this is a great way to do it. You become more attuned to each other. Maybe that's a better way of saying it. More present.

You're, you're grounded also, you know, and you know, and this is how both you and your animals can move with more ease and more confidence in yourselves. So you know, each of you supports the other and it's like your, your animal helps you grow and you help your animal grow. And I'm talking about at any age, you know, that you may have a very, very senior animal that you're, you know, supporting through the last phase of their life.

You might have a young animal who is injured or you might have a middle aged animal that you just helping them to move a little more efficiently, a little easier and helping. You're also looking in the future and saying, I want to do my best to advocate for my animal to reduce wear and tear and help them be happy and healthy and active for as long as possible and for yourself as well.

This is how, that's really how I designed De Bono moves again to do that, to help reduce that wear and tear and the same thing with the Feldenkrais method for you. So, you know, that's the kind of trust that, I don't know, it just like can transform your relationship and your life and your animals lives and your relationship with your animals. So, so this is what I would like to leave you with today.

You know, whether you're with your horse, your dog, or maybe you're lying on the floor for a Feldenkrais lesson, they're not all done on the floor, but a lot of them are. You know, just slow down a little bit, do a little less so you can feel a whole lot more and notice what already feels easy and build on that, okay? Build on that. Balance your foundation. Then you can introduce new options.

But we want to generalize a sense of safety and ease right, for ourselves and our animals. So let go of the need to fix and simply explore what's possible when trust leads the way. When you trust also in your animals bodily wisdom and your bodily wisdom as well. So thank you so much for joining me today. Let me know how, how you do this with your animals. You know, how you develop a sense of trust and, and if you have any questions, I'd love to hear those too.

You could always reach me at [email protected] thank you again for subscribing, listening and sharing the podcast. I appreciate you so much. I'll talk to you very soon. Bye for now.